Marcus Rashford commits mortal sin of celebrating birthday

Marcus Rashford is in *serious trouble* for going “clubbing” after Manchester United’s 3-0 derby defeat to Man City on Sunday.

Well, maybe didn’t really go “clubbing.” And maybe he’s not actually in trouble. But he could be! We think. Maybe.

Nobody seems to know if Rashford broke any rules, or drew the ire of his coach Erik ten Hag by committing the irredeemable sin of not going home and sulking all night after City cruised to victory at Old Trafford.

But that didn’t stop many, many outlets from suggesting all of those things and more.

The Telegraph said Rashford’s “late night celebrations may not go down well with United fans frustrated by the manner of the defeat to Manchester City and the team’s dismal start to the season.”

“May not,” but also, maybe the vast majority of fans won’t care one bit. Who’s to say, really?

Oh yeah, the sub-headline says Rashford turned up for training on time Monday. The story also adds: “United are not thought to have been aware Rashford was going out but there is no requirement for players to inform the club of such social engagements.”

Hmmm. Not late for training? Didn’t break any rules at all? This all seems to suggest that this isn’t a story. And yet.

The Daily Mail chimed in with the subtle headline: “Marcus Rashford risks the wrath of Erik ten Hag as the underperforming Man United winger heads out clubbing straight after humiliating derby defeat at Old Trafford.”

Then, without providing evidence any rules have been broken, the article goes on to suggest that Ten Hag could punish Rashford. For something.

It remains to be seen if Ten Hag takes a dimmer view of the situation and considers disciplinary action against the player. Rashford has risked upsetting his manager by celebrating at such a high-profile venue so soon after a painful result. At best, it was a bad look in the circumstances.

The article described Rashford’s night out as “clubbing” but later went on to say it was an “intimate, planned celebration for his birthday in a private area of the club.”

So to recap: Rashford was born 26 years before Manchester United lost a game. He then attended a pre-planned birthday event where he spent time with friends and family in a quiet area of a nightclub. He then went home and turned up for training on time the next day. He didn’t break any rules.

And here we are. Good job, everyone. Nice work all around.